Terima kasih, Ya Allah.

Some people are just ungrateful. They got excellent grades and job offers come rolling to their feet. Not from small companies but big, international company. Instead of accepting 1 of them maybe, they rejected them all. Why? Because they want that one company that has rejected them. Instead of thinking that other people have so much difficulties finding proper jobs, they complain about the ones that they get so easily.

Today I said to myself :

1. ACCA is hard.
2. I don't care if I don't get an ACCA qualification.
3. I shouldn't be doing things that I don't enjoy.
4. I wanna stop studying accounting and find something else that I like doing.

Conclusion : I'm an ungrateful person as well.

Explanation :

There may be a lot of people put there who deserves this MARA loan more than I do. But maybe because of some unavoidable difficulties, they have to let it go. There are a lot of people out there who'd love to be where I am now, studying abroad and living in London. London kot, Melayu datang sini terus rasa diri tu mat saleh kot, hebat kot London. Sape taknak dok sini..? Haha. Still have room for sarcasm. Panjangnya conclusion.

So yeah, I won't be thankful with what I have now, not until I don't have all this any longer.

So you, big-brain, don't be so picky. You're not that big of a deal. Ramai lagi students pandai kat London ni.

"Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers."

A student's life..

"Heyy, I'm gonna start study now, better kick start the session with a cup of hot coffee, I'm starting to feel reaaaaaaaaaaaally sleepy from all that rice I had for lunch."

"OK, coffee, check! I think I'll turn on some music, to keep me awake."

"...can you believe itttt, as we're lying on the cooouuch, the moment I could see it, yes yes, I could see it now..."

*sluurrppp* *cringe* I need more sugar.. But the kitchen is so far away.. Mehhh..

Started to write notes...

Pumped Up Kicks started playing on the phone..

"Very catchy tune! I'm starting to like this song, I wonder if their album's any good.."

www.4shared.com.

"Wait, what's the name of their album anyway?"

New tab. www.wikipedia.org/fosterthepeople

"Oh, okay, Torches."

Back to 4shared tab.

"Hmmm.. Can't seem to find their album in here. Can't seem to find any albums in here nowadays! Screw you, 4shared."

Funny noise emerge from stomach

"Woohh, must be the coffee.."

www.aimini.net

"Pffft, now I have to download every single song one at a time. I may not even like all of them.. Might as well listen to the songs while I'm at it. I'll just take the ones that I like."

"OK, Warrant and Ruby weren't tha..." Funny noise from stomach...

"Gotta go!"

@#$%^&*()(*&^%^

"Hmm, when did I last clean the toilet. Might as well try that new duck-shaped toilet cleaning liquid now."

While cleaning the toilet.. "OMG BARU BERAPA AYAT TULIS TADIII.." Suddenly teringat Zac Efron nyanyi Pumped Up Kicks in Ellen. "Good song, good song."

Making a mental note to flush the toilet in 60 minutes.

"Hm, I wonder is it's already Asar?"

See microwave clock, it's Asar.

Ablution. Stare at face in mirror. Stare at bath tub. "I've got to remember to get a toilet brush tomorrow"

"Oh, I better make a list of stuff that I wanna buy tomorrow."

Solat.

"Pumped Up Kicks would be a great ringtone, if anyone ever calls me anyway. What's that app where I can make my own ringtone..?"

Searches for app. Found app. Download app.

Think about posting this story in blog.

Post in blog.

Study.

Ohh, that grocery list....

Accent?

Do any of you (if there's anyone out there reading this, anyway) have an accent when you speak English with someone non-Malaysian?

I tend to have this accent where I tend to soften my D's and my R's. To put it simply, I tend to speak English with my own version of American accent, I think.

I met this Indian lady from Mumbai, and she told me that she had lived in Jakarta for 9 years. That got me excited because I knew she must've picked up some Malay words, which technically are similar to Indonesian words. I asked her a lot of questions and some of it involved the word 'Jakarta'. The way I pronounced it wasn't 'Jakarta' but 'Jakarda'.. CEWAH!! American gituh! Siap tany pernah makan ayam penyet ke tak lagi tuh..

After some time I felt a bit embarrassed with myself for speaking that way but when I come to think of it, I was comfortable. I didn't feel fake or pretentious. But I can't speak that way with fellow Malaysians. Syok sendiri je nanti.

Why am I writing about this? Oh, I wanted to test out this Blogger app to see if it's any good. If it is, be warned. There shall be many impromptu posts coming.

Sometimes I feel like this blog is syok sendiri!

Hey here's a dandy picture I just made using various apps, because you know, I'm that creative.

Hey.

I just noticed that my last post was the first post in 2012.

So much for having a blog.

And I noticed that I have so many angry posts....

I hope nobody thinks I have issues...

Maybe I do...?

I'm craving for this at the moment. The black pepper chicken I just ate wasn't a remedy to this longing towards ayam penyet.

I can feel the tickling sensation of sweat coming out of my scalp just by looking at the chili.

The complexity of being a muslimah.

Often I wondered and asked myself, "Would things be a lot easier if I'm not wearing tudung?"

"Would people stop looking at me funny?"

"Would shop assistants be more friendly towards me?"

"Would people say 'excuse me' when I'm in their way on the streets, instead of just pushing me aside?"

"Would people stop looking down on me?"

"Would I be able to get a job easily?"

"What if I'm a guy, I could wear anything I want!"
"If I'm a guy, nobody would know if I'm a muslim, therefore people will not treat me how they usually treat a muslim."

Sometimes, I go "Why is it so hard being a muslimah?" "Why is life so hard for me, even when I'm doing what God tells me to do" (maybe sometimes not perfectly)

I asked a friend if it's berdosa to think those things,

She replied, "No, it's fine, I think it's normal, giving that we're living in the UK."

Maybe it's because I'm doing something wrong, somewhere.

Or maybe it's because I'm Asian? Haha.

To all of you out there, the tudung is just a piece of clothing that we wear daily, like you wear your jeans, or your hat or your scarf. Why would you treat me differently for wearing a tudung?

With tudung

Without tudung. Sama je kot?! Tak paham aku orang orang macam nih..

Lagi buruk ada lahh..

*Hair source : Kate Middleton & Katy Perry.

Friend.

I have kept these rants inside for too long.

If a friend asks what appears to be a "stupid" question to you ;

Do : answer them patiently. One person can not know everything, including you.

Don't : smack your forehead and ask them back "Haa? Tak tauu?". That'll make the person asking feel very stupid & ashamed of themselves for not knowing a thing that apparently every single living soul on Earth should know.

If a friend refuses to hang out with you ;

Do : understand their situation. Or know the fact that maybe it's your behaviour that makes them avoid you.

Don't : be pushy.

If a friend has became waaaaaaaaay slimmer than they use to be and you're jealous of her success ;

Do : keep quiet.

Don't : diss them by saying stupid things that makes it obvious that you really wanna be in her shoes and it also makes it apparent that you need to loss weight.

If a friend is having a relationship with someone attractive ;

Do : keep quiet.

Don't : diss them. You're alone for a reason, buddy.

If a friend is in distress and tells you about it ;

Do : have a little sympathy and say something comforting.

Don't : type "Hahaha" and complain about that yammering friend to another friend.

If a friend disagree with you about something ;

Do : be mature and understand that even friends can't agree on EVERYTHING

Don't : judge that person's choice.

Additional rants :

It's better for you not to preach something about Islam if you yourself are a judgemental, jealous and angry person.

Don't make it apparent that you're actually not happy for someone, you'll make no one look bad but yourself.

Choose your words before you spat them out.

Be a little sensitive with what you say to people. I know it's hard to do with your stone cold heart, but please try.

So called "friends".

P/S : It's not about just one person. :)

Hello, London.

Yesterday's flight was neither easy nor enjoyable.

Yes, I like the fact that I'm going to study at London.

Yes, I like the weather here.

Yes, I like to shop here.

But nothing beats me down more than having to say goodbye to my family, especially my Mama.

At first I was OK, despite the crazy hullabaloo when I found out that I have to pay RM2,846.45 for excess of 16kg untuk luggage. Ayah remained calm and collected. We sorted things out by the car and succeeded in getting rid of 13kg. Sorry Min, buat kabut!

Then, we went to McDonalds for breakfast. Wrong place to be at that time. The lines were long and the place was almost full. But we managed to grab a table farthest from the restaurant. I could tell Andi was a little bit stressed because he had to go and queue to buy the food.

It was 9.15 a.m. and Ayah told me that it was better for me to go to prevent any more troubles. So I hugged everybody. First, I hugged Mama. She said something that really touched my heart. "Mama rase macam akak nak pegi kejap je ni.." Wohhh, lepas tu terus air mata keluar la wehhh. Then I hugged Ayah, Andi, Hazim & Min. At this point, I really couldn't contain myself any longer. I couldn't stop crying, because I saw Mama cry. But still, tahan la air mata dari berjurai-jurai.

So, turun escalator, naik aerotrain, bought Sharir's cigarettes, and board the plane.

I cried my eyes out since boarding the plane until we land at Heathrow. Well, I did sleep like for a few hours. Most of the time, I miss my Mama. I think it's because we've grown closer when compared to my last trip to the UK. We talk a lot more nowadays.

It was the most suffocating plane ride I've ever been on. I've never felt so alone in my life. I needed to talk to someone but the two guys sitting beside me looked unfriendly.

What made it worst is that I chose to sit next to the window, which made it extremely difficult for me to get up and go to the lavatory or accessing my bag pack in the overhead compartment becaaaaause one of the guys sitting beside me was...sihat. Note to self, lepas ni duduk aisle seat.

Thank God that's over. Now I'm staying at a friend's cosy little flat. And a few more troubles awaits me. I'm skipping class today because I have so much to settle.

Ya Allah, please help me.

Keep my family safe.

Calm my heart.

Strengthen my soul.

Make me strong and patient.

Ease my burden.

Don't ever let me forget you.

This is a very depressing post.